it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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