Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize