Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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