you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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