Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
