I love black thongs
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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