I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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