ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
