this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
