Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
