If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
