I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
