Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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