toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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