Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
