OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
