I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
