Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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