i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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