why didn't you poke me back
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
