im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So many bounce houses so little time
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
