Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
