So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
