Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
