You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I deserve this hangover.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
