i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
