Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
