the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
