I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
