stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
