She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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