Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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