Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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