I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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