so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
