You're so nebulous sometimes
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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