I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
