The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I had to cum in my sink.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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