Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
