are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
