Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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