i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Is it because I queefed?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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