Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
