Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
