you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
