I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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