Michael Bay diarrhea
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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