You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
