New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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