the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
