I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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