Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
