I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
