Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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