I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
