After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
