I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do you remember whose house we're in?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
