you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She even gives head with a lisp.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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