Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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