Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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