I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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