I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
