Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
