Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize