I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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