I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
