I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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